i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
