margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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