I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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