He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
