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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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