I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
