dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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