I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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