yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize