Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
