Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
