My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize