I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
