The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I understand Curling. That high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
