did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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