bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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