Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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