i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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