well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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