Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
