well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
