I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
