I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
