remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
