on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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