Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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