Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize