we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
