Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had to cum in my sink.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
