Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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