I wish I could teleport
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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