Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
