I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
