his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
