No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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