I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
