I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
