Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
