Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
