you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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