we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
