So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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