Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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