I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
