dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
