TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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