its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
