The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
