Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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