ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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