I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
