Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
