I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
