Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
