You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
