We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
