were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
