They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
