He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
