Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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