I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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