She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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