My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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