Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
