Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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