So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
two words...techno handjob
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
