i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
