we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
