based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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