i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
