Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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