Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Terrible idea I love it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
