my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
please come you make the beer taste better
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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