Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize