I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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