ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
