yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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